|
||||||||||||
2007 Best of the Bay: Tuning In |
||||||||||||
|
| lllustration by Mie Hommura |
Writing about food may be my job, but I'm no big-time foodie. I don't read Saveur or Bon Appétit. I don't care about the latest heirloom tomato variety or which lettuce is best for goat cheese and walnut salads. And Chowhound? Eh. The only Bay Area chef whose name I know is Alice Waters, and that's simply because you'd have to be brain-dead or living in a place where fried Snickers are all the culinary rage to have never heard of Chez Panisse.
But that doesn't mean I don't care about restaurant culture. If anything, I'm a restaurantee - a lover of restaurants and bars and cafés. I love hearing about them, discovering them, and finding my way around them. Sure, I go nuts over the steak with lobster mashed potatoes at Café Andree, the sushi with blueberries and mangoes at Barracuda, the chicken masala at Dar Bar. But do I know the exact ingredients or how these dishes were prepared? Do I spend my spare time trying to re-create those meals? Do I even remember half of what I've ordered in those places and places like them? No, no, and no.
Instead, dining and drinking are primarily how I suss out a city's personality - and its physical layout. Some people read local newspapers to get a sense of a new place or study maps to orient themselves. Me? I go out. So when it came time to feel my way around San Francisco, I did it through bars and restaurants. The Tenderloin? That's where I lit someone's crack pipe, thinking it was a cigarette, outside the 222 Club. Polk Gulch? It's Punk Rock Sideshow at the Hemlock Tavern and dirty martinis at the Red Devil Lounge. The Panhandle is down-home Ethiopian fare at Club Waziema and gentrified pizza at Fly, and I get home by taking a left at Madrone and a right after Squat 'n' Gobble. The Richmond tastes like Aziza's herb-infused cocktails; Berkeley's a phenomenal hot chocolate at Scharffen Berger's Café Cacao and Sunday brunch at Wat Mongkolratanaram. And the Mission? It's pitchers of Zeitgeist beer followed by a cheese-filled Ti Couz crepe.
I suppose part of my non - food snobbery is cultural. Some of my earliest memories are of my grandmother's cooking. She grew up in Nebraska and brought her rich, creamy, fattening, and delicious lowbrow family recipes with her to the West. Food was love, comfort, and maximum nourishment with minimum resources. Cooking was a craft, a skill, a necessity, and later, a burden. But it was never a hobby. Buying imported, herb-infused vinegar on a whim was so far off her radar it might as well have been building rocket ships: she's still making meals based on what's on sale.
Then there's my mom, who rebelled against Grandma's culture the way most in her generation did - by eating wheat germ and whole-wheat Digger's bread and all kinds of other foods their grandparents left the dust bowl to get away from. For her, as for so many hummus-eating hippies, food was about health and politics. So being into food is a bit like being into shoes - a superfluous and specifically upper-class luxury that grates on her nerves. ("Prosciutto panini? Oh please," she'd say. "Why can't I just get a ham sandwich ?") On the other side of the divorce was my doctor dad, the man who considered fine dining a matter of social grace - like knowing how to waltz or when not to pick your nose - but tended to gravitate toward Shake 'n Bake and cheap beer behind closed doors. To put it plainly, I wasn't exactly brought up to know the difference between aioli and mayonnaise.
And then there's the wee factor of my eating disorder. Ten years of anorexia and bulimia, which meant 10 years of trying not to eat anything. I romanticized Cheetos as though they were distant lovers, and my interest in restaurants became almost a lust-driven fetish.
At a certain point, I left the Edward Scissorhands SoCal suburb of my youth and embarked on a food education that was as much about what to eat as how to eat it. As I traveled up and down the West Coast, I gradually learned to associate food with good things: college bull sessions over cold pizza, romantic morning-after brunches with potential mates, chocolate and kisses, beer and bonding.
Now I live here in foodie heaven. And again, I've learned this city the same way I learned to navigate the menu of my life - through crack-of-dawn conversations with new friends at Sparky's, celebratory birthday feasts at Firefly, and cocktails with coworkers at Phone Booth. After a lot of hard work and therapy, my eating disorder lies dormant. I've removed the ban on cheese and carbs, renounced my devotion to abstention. I no longer ask, "What can I eat?" when I glance at the specials board, but "What sounds good?"
It's kind of full circle. Restaurants for me now are no longer just about culture, society, personal experiences, and shared memories. Now they're also about - shock of all shocks - food. Good food. Phenomenal food. Mouth-watering, finger-licking, oh-my-god-you-have-to-try-this food. When I go to a restaurant like Home, I actually taste the macaroni and cheese instead of ordering the grilled chicken salad (dressing on the side) and ogling my neighbor's creamy pasta. I can tell you what the Kobe beef at Sutra tastes like because I've actually tried it. And guess what? Eating a delicious pie from Just Desserts doesn't instantly make me fat - as long as I don't eat the whole thing in one sitting.
But obsessive foodism? Not really my thing. Call it nature - I'm a low-maintenance, lowbrow, lite-brew kind of girl. Call it nurture - Mom and Grandma would never forgive me if I made saltimbocca instead of honey-baked ham for Easter dinner. Or call it deprivation-inspired democracy. Perhaps cave-aged cheddar cheese doesn't get my panties wet because I'm still excited about regular cheddar cheese. I love those tiny gourmet hamburgers at Lime, but I also love the big, juicy slabs of ground chuck hot off the Zeitgeist grill. And I'll tell you this: if I had to choose a city in which to discover the joys of greasy french fries and vegan foie gras at the same time, I couldn't have picked a better one.
Editor's Picks
Thai food isn't too hard to come by in these slavishly epicurean parts. So why do folks of all stripes swarm to Thai Buddhist temple Wat Mongkolratanaram every Sunday morning? For one, the weekly brunch served there to raise funds for the temple is a perfect pick-me-up (nothing beats a hangover like a bowl of beef red curry). But beyond the steaming mango rice and pancakes made with coconut milk, the brunch is one of the most exhilarating multicultural experiences to be had anywhere. Several people have lovingly described it to us as "the most Berkeley thing in Berkeley." No small potatoes, that. From 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. the temple is filled with happy families, spice-crazed tourists, students of every creed and color, and dyed-in-the-wool aficionados of the Buddhist way, all eager to join the cafeteria-style vegetarian line for hot-hot papaya salad or the nonvegetarian one for mouthwatering fish balls. Who knew inner peace was so yummy?
1911 Russell, Berk. (510) 849-3419, www.watmongkolratanaram.org
BEST WHIMSICAL CALIFORNIA PUB GRUB
A pub isn't a proper pub without some pub grub - edibles to aid in the ingestion of alcohol - and while such food can be as modest as salted peanuts or guacamole with chips, it can also be witty and whimsical, as at Salt House. This pub is actually a restaurant, and a pretty good one; it's just around the corner from its older sibling, the much-feted Town Hall. You can take a table if you like and dig into a plate of poutine (a kind of Canadian nachos), but if you can't be bothered with such formality, sit at the nice long bar and graze your way through a pot o' pickles, served in a real crock, or a dish of mixed nuts roasted with truffle honey. (Truffles as in mushrooms, not chocolate bonbons - just a word to the wise, there.) Salt House even provides salt, if you need it, and drink, of course, oceans of it, including some unique house-blend wines.
545 Mission, SF. (415) 543-8900, www.salthousesf.com
Music and politics gobble up so much attention when the topic turns to Cuba that some of the finer culinary points of the island's culture often get lost in the shuffle. Take Cuban-style coffee, known as café cubano or cafecito. Traditionally, a cafecito is a shot of espresso with just a touch of sugar added at the right moment - and it's a favorite among Cuban expats who fled the island after the revolution. The average ho-hum latte will never stack up for anyone who's had a well-made cortadito (sweetened espresso with a splash of milk and foam) or shared a colada (several shots of café cubano served in a large cup). For those who can't get enough of that hot Cuban stuff, Café lo Cubano in Laurel Village hits all the right notes. Lo Cubano also boasts a quality menu including Spanish tortillas, a wicked Bahama chicken salad, and sandwiches such as the Cuban Elvis (peanut butter, honey, and plantains) and hosts live music and salsa-dancing events, proving there's no embargo on the Cuban spirit.
3401 California, SF. (415) 831-4383, www.cafelocubano.com
Not quite as nuclearly calorific as a bombolone but much more robust than dinky zeppolli, frittelle are a particular sort of sweet pastry that's difficult to find outside Italy. Think deep-fried cream puff stuffed with a creamy rice pudding custard: it's the sort of dessert that can cause you to rethink your impulse to share with others (or purchase that string bikini). Though frittelle are traditionally made as seasonal holiday treats, Danilo Bakery in North Beach whips up a big batch of these tasty delights every Sunday morning. There are plenty of other real-deal-Italian eats to be had at Danilo throughout the week as well, including focaccia sandwiches, pizzas, and freshly baked cookies. But the frittelle are reason enough to leap out of bed and stagger toward the base of Telegraph Hill. Get there early, though - they go quick.
516 Green, SF. (415) 989-1806, www.danilobakery.com
Neither too swanky nor too trendy, Ryoko Sushi is located in a divey little basement whose presence is mainly signaled by a strip of battered blue carpet descending down a steep stairwell. But this secret hole of a sushi bar has some of the freshest and most consistently well-presented sushi in town (definitely try the toro). And night owls take heed: rolls are served until 2 a.m. The attractive young staff is friendly and knowledgeable, and a DJ spins groovy lounge beats, served up fresh with a killer selection of sake cocktails, beer, and a surprisingly varied and high-quality wine list. From 6 p.m. on, Ryoko is generally filled with nigiri-hungry adventurers, sitting either at the mood-lit sushi bar or in large booths that feel like they're tucked into the back of a cave. Traditional Japanese dishes like gyoza and saba shioyaki rock the taste buds too.
619 Taylor, SF. (415) 775-1028
BEST ONE-STOP FOR ARMCHAIR GOURMANDS
At first glance, Haig's Delicacies looks like any one of the ubiquitous Middle Eastern sandwich shops proliferating in the promenades of our fair city. House hummus, check; fresh dolmas, check; falafel, check. But take the time to explore the shelves, and you'll find them lined with treasured goodies from around the globe. Suddenly, an epiphany: you've been hankering for some Syrian apricot paste, you're almost out of Indonesian sambal, and you can't resist the English spotted dick (insert ex-boyfriend joke here). Before you know it, you've traversed several time zones without even having to hop a plane. What with the soaring cost of travel tickets - not to mention the trouble of carting any bounty through customs - it's good to know that, at least as far as specialty items go, your days of smuggling spices in your socks are over.
642 Clement, SF. (415) 752-6283, www.haigsdelicacies.com
A Himalayan hot spot in the Western Addition, right across the way from gritty barbecue joint Lilly's and snazzy sushi palace Tsunami and down the street from Ethiopian bar Waziema - it's just the kind of multicultural mix that makes San Francisco dining great. There's no yak served at Kathmandu Cafe, alas, but the butter chicken and dal ko jhol (lentil soup) will have you searching Orbitz for a night flight to Nepal. Also especially good: the momos (steamed Nepalese dumplings) and machha, a curry with fish cubes that melt in your mouth. This small, narrow restaurant is warm and welcoming in a family way and does a great takeout business with neighborhood residents, who've added Nepalese to their nigiri, injera, and ribs diet. Oddly, nearby French restaurant Metro Café has just morphed into Metro Kathmandu, meaning that there are now two Nepalese restaurants within four short blocks of each other; could the neighborhood that yuppies have recently taken to calling NoPa in fact be turning into Little Nepal?
1279 Fulton, SF. (415) 567-5100, www.kathmanducafesf.com
BEST SALVADORAN CHILE RELLENOS
There are those among us who are mortified at the sight of a perfectly good poblano pepper heading for the desiccating interior of a microwave. And yet the senses are shocked by that very spectacle at far too many local taquerías. San Francisco is lucky, then, to have Cuco's Restaurant bringing some Salvadoran savvy to Lower Haight. Proprietor Carmen Campos - who runs the place with her husband, Domingo, their kids underfoot - buys the peppers fresh and prepares them by hand. This includes roasting and peeling off the waxy skin, an essential step for calling forth the pepper's delicately zippy flavor. The noble vegetable is then stuffed with a finely grated, sharp white cheese and simmered in red sauce in a pan over an actual flame until perfection reigns. Located just a few doors up from Fillmore Street in unassuming quarters, Cuco's feels like a secret neighborhood hideaway. Word's getting around, however; last time we stopped by for the chile rellenos, they were sold out.
488 Haight, SF. (415) 863-4906
BEST ORGANIC WITH A DASH OF TINSEL TOWN FAB
Glance out the window at Lettüs Café Organic, and you're not likely to see Nancy Reagan or any of the Hiltons on a shopping spree, nor otherwise suspect that you've somehow magically been transported to Rodeo Drive - but turn around and take a look at the inside of the place, and you'll definitely feel the west-side-of-Los Angeles energy. It's hard to be sure whether the restaurant's interior design or its clientele is shinier. The food is a healthful hodgepodge of the low-fat and the organic, from chipotle black bean soup to Thai lettuce cups with mango. It's good, slimming stuff, not too pricey, and, most important, the food won't distract you from your Marina-people watching. That is why you're in the Marina, isn't it?
3352 Steiner, SF. (415) 931-2777, www.lettusorganic.com
Yes, seafood responds well to the simple and the humble - a wood-fired grill, some beurre blanc with capers, and a squeeze of lemon - but you're a seafood lover who's won the lottery or sold your tell-all memoirs, and you're in the mood to celebrate, so Aqua it is. Although the place, as befits its Financial District location, has the power-lunch, steak-and-three-martinis vibe, the food is subtly elegant, the setting like a summer twilight, the service knowing and friendly. Your famous New York editor, who's publishing your memoirs but wants a little more detail about your crossing of paths with George Michael - the whens, wheres, whys, how longs, and so forth - will approve your choice of celebratory restaurant, and since she doubtless has a fat expense account, the fat bill won't make her blanch. The meal will be worth it, anyway, even if the book bombs and the editor never speaks to you again, not to mention George.
252 California, SF. (415) 956-9662, www.aqua-sf.com
BEST OLD-SCHOOL MEN'S CLUB SWANK
Dim lighting, dark wood, a distinguished hush: you have stepped into either your London gentlemen's club or Scott Howard, a Gold Coast restaurant (bearing its chef-owner's double-barreled male name) that takes the clubby staples and reworks them into stylish modern forms, including multiple levels, a glittering bar, and well-spaced tables. Howard's food, meanwhile, speaks in various American idioms and is offered (in addition to à la carte) as a three-course prix fixe. It's a good deal in a relaxed but gracious setting, neither formal nor informal and conducive to conversation - especially if someone at your table has had the wisdom to order the tuna tartare, one of the kitchen's signature dishes.
500 Jackson, SF. (415) 956-7040, www.scotthowardsf.com
If your idea of the perfect South of Market restaurant includes excellent, tasty food in large portions at modest prices, offered in a setting of minimalist but comfortable gloss, you need look no further than V2. The restaurant's Malaysian and Singaporean flavors bring together various Asian and European influences in a kind of fusion cuisine that evolved slowly over several centuries, and its storefront intimacy means you won't feel neglected or get lost in a huge crowd. You could probably stuff yourself for less with a burrito from one of the bare-bones places that can still be found in the shadows of AT&T Park, and god knows the neighborhood is now rife with white-linen restaurants that are fancier and pricier. But for overall return of value on your restaurant dollar, V2 is unbeatable.
518 Bryant, SF. (415) 974-1922
BEST MOROCCAN IN A MARTINI GLASS
Everything at swanky, sexy Richmond District restaurant Aziza is delicious and surprising, as chef Mourad Lahlou adapts classic Moroccan cuisine to a modern, fine-dining palate. The results, such as prawn tajine and smoky eggplant spread, are spectacular, but what Aziza does better than just about anyone else is create innovative and inspiring cocktails. The bar and the kitchen collaborate on these herb-infused concoctions, so the drink menu changes according to what's in season. A kefir and cardamom mojito, a margarita made with rose blossom water, a fresh pomegranate mimosa - all have passed through our grateful lips. A cocktail menu like this might seem gimmicky or pretentious, but these folks know what they're doing - after all, Moroccan mixologists have been brewing up marvelous mint teas for just about ever - and manage to combine organic liquors, high-end champagnes, fresh herbs, and even tea leaves with an expertise usually reserved for entrées.
5800 Geary, SF. (415) 752-2222, www.aziza-sf.com
For some reason, we don't know why, this phrase makes us laugh: organic hot dog shop. Ha! But if you think we're laughing at Underdog in the Sunset, not with it, you're dead wrong, because we simply can't get enough. Perhaps because the friendly staff sees our faces on a more-than-regular basis, Underdog is actually laughing at us. Before we discovered this teensy-tiny, totally tasty hole-in-the-wall, we thought we'd never encounter a hot dog that didn't come back and bite us on the ass a few hours later. And yes, when we think about what's inside the question-mark casings of most hot dogs, what comes to mind is that scene from The Simpsons in which they show pictures of a pigeon, a rat, and other decidedly nonedible urban denizens melding into a big steaming frank. But all qualms were quashed once we sank our teeth into one of Underdog's amazing yummies on a bun. (The fact that there were several vegetarian and vegan offerings made us feel a whole lot better too, in a safety net kind of way.) Underdog's chips, sodas, cookies, buns, and candies are certified organic, as are fixings like garlic aioli and spiced ketchup and the pièce de résistance of Underdog's side orders: Tater Tots. Yes, Tater Tots. Go now.
1634 Irving, SF. (415) 665-8881, www.myspace.com/underdogorganic
There will always be pie-faced bohunks from temp agencies and indie rock-leaning business-casual receptionists whose charms are simply impossible to fend off in the workplace, despite proscriptions against fraternization. So where do you eat after those mail room trysts without drawing attention to your professional lapses? The answer is Sai's Vietnamese Restaurant in the Financial District. This place isn't a romantic, dimly lit spot suitable for footsie under the white tablecloth; rather, Sai's advantages lie in much the opposite direction - your presence will be completely unnoticed. You'll have to jockey for a table with Gordon Gekko wannabes and old ladies alike, but the food comes quick, and it's tasty. Start with the panko-breaded crispy prawns served with nouc mam sauce (a sweet and tangy fish broth that's the backbone of this restaurant's cuisine). A scrumptious bowl of pho ga (chicken soup) will feed the two of you, making for an affordable clandestine rendezvous.
505 Washington, SF. (415) 362-3689
BEST SPOT TO SAVOR 30-YEAR-OLD PICKLED PLUMS
We never imagined that umeboshi - the supertart, magenta-hued pickled plums that usually wink out from the centers of a maki sextet - could have a vintage. But at Minako Organic Japanese restaurant they do, and how. Just glance at some of the dated jars that line the walk-through pantry (reached en route to the undersea-themed restroom). Plum vinegar from 1972 might not sound appetizing, but by the time it's drizzled atop sashimi-grade Hokkaido sea scallops and local baby greens, the expected blast of tart has mellowed to a fine prickle, perfectly complementing the mollusks' sweetness. Such care in ingredients is the rule rather than the exception at this understated mother-and-daughter operation, which offers superb takes on Japanese home-style pub fare (always order from the specials menu) and an astounding array of veggie sushi options (BBQ eel made of tofu, anyone?).
2154 Mission, SF. (415) 864-1888
We've all suffered from airport anxiety - the dread that descends with the knowledge that soon we'll be standing in our socks, being patted down by a total stranger. Or that our parents will soon be arriving, cases full of Target clothes, baby pictures, and golf clubs in tow. Fret no longer: a quick fix of fluffy fried dough from Rolling Pin Donuts on the way to SFO is all you need to dispel your fears. Mere minutes from 101 in San Bruno, this no-frills palace of pastries has quashed many an early-morning jitter with its warm, steaming, house-made batter concoctions. Rolling Pin is embarking on its 49th year in business and is now open around the clock, offering 24-7 access to gooey goodness. Favorites include the crème-filled pastry holes, the raised glazed, and whatever's hot. Rolling Pin is no fancy café, however - no espresso, lattes, or even tables. Just supertasty batches of the good stuff.
429 W. San Bruno, San Bruno. (650) 589-9687
Since 1993, Suppenküche has been serving up traditional German comfort food. And if there was ever a place you'd feel comfortable gulping down a two-liter glass boot full of Spaten with your eggs, it would be here. With rows of communal tables and fast-paced yet warm service, Suppenküche was created with a German Wirsthaus aesthetic in mind. Staples like sautéed pork loin with spaetzle and a grilled cured pork chop with sauerkraut are offered throughout the day. But on Sundays from 10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., for those looking for a brunch alternative to greasy spoons brimming with throngs of even greasier hipsters, Suppenküche really delivers. The Bauernfrühstück mit Gewürzgurken (farmer's omelet with pickles and pork sausage) and the Geröstete Maultaschen mit Zwiebeln, Ei und Gurkensalat (sautéed German ravioli scrambled with eggs and onions, served with cucumber salad) are exceptional. Our recommendation, though: the Wiener Schnitzel with a pint of Schneider Weisse. Best hangover cure ever.
525 Laguna, SF. (415) 252-9289, www.suppenkuche.com
The cat has been out of the bag for some time now about Jai Yun (Mandarin for "home"), chef Nei Cha Ja's tiny, no-frills Chinatown dining room, where for a set per-person price he will turn out an exquisite, delicately prepared multicourse mystery meal replete with enough gourmet goodies to rival the repasts served at any of the Bay Area's fanciest Hong Kong dinner palaces. The basic prix fixe menu ($45 a person) of six cold plates and six hot plates might include anything from house-cured meats and pickled vegetables to quail soup to roast duck to velvet abalone. Although the kitchen takes special requests, it's more fun to let Nei - and what's available in Chinatown's markets that day - steer your taste buds to bliss. Since it's practically a one-man operation, diners may have to wait a bit between courses or occasionally bus tables, but it's only right to help with the dishes after someone's treated you to a home-cooked meal.
923 Pacific, SF. (415) 981-7438, jaiyun.menuscan.com
A few miles south of the Pescadero Road turnoff on Highway 1, there's a teensy organic-produce stand. You've probably sped by it without a second glance - it's pretty indistinguishable from other such goodie niches. But this stand sells delicious produce from nearby Pie Ranch, a co-op in partnership with Mission High School that's intended to introduce urban youths to the joys and challenges of rural life through hands-on experience. The ranch produces free-range chicken eggs, wheat, and several organic fruits and vegetables - perfect pie ingredients. Don't worry if you've missed the stand on the San Mateo coast, though - the ranch also operates an outlet in the Mission called Mission Pie. Exquisite organic desserts abound (the banana cream pie in particular has gained quite a local reputation), and the students behind the counter can tell you with full confidence how these desserts got from field to table; they've participated in every step of the journey.
2080 Hwy. 1, Pescadero. (650) 879-0971, www.pieranch.org; 2901 Mission, SF. (415) 282-4PIE, www.missionpie.com
Ever wish you were still in elementary school, just so someone's mom would bring cupcakes to class for special occasions? Thanks to Sibby's Cupcakery, you can enjoy the sweet, moist, frosted goodness without the awkward prepubescence. The confectionery makes mini and regular versions of those delightful little desserts with the imagination, care, and culinary love that no tyke's parent would have time for: think ingredients like Nielsen-Massey's Madagascar Bourbon Pure Vanilla and local sweet cream butter; think gorgeous frosting tops with custom decorations for birthdays, weddings, and holidays; think the best-looking and best-tasting damned cupcakes you've dared to dream of. And though the San Mateo retail shop may be far away (it's not a storefront, but you can pick up orders by appointment), Sibby's delivers. So why not call in a childhood-done-better day and stay home, put on your yummy sushi pajamas, replay Adult Swim on your TiVo, and wait for your dozen Red Velvets or Mmm Good Mochas to arrive? It's all the fun of fourth grade with none of the homework.
(415) 613-4373, www.sibbyscupcakery.com
BEST HOLE-IN-THE-WALL GOURMET CREPES
The terms crepe and burlap sack are not familiarly associated, but after visiting Glen Park's Higher Grounds Coffee House, you may never be able to separate the two again. Don't let the humble storefront, coffee sack-covered ceiling, and two-person kitchen fool you - you'll be hard-pressed to find a better crepe-eating experience in the Bay Area. The Glen Park family-run joint's selection of signature, gourmet crepes and other breakfast foods will leave even the pickiest of eaters enjoying something savory, sweet, or anywhere in between, and there's also an array of standard coffeehouse fare at beyond-standard quality. But what makes this place so special is the service: it won't take long before you're treated like a regular by one of the kindest owner-chef-barista-servers you'll ever meet. Then again, after eating here once, it's hard not to become a regular by any standards.
691 Chenery, SF. (415) 587-2933
Each month two renowned chefs bring their sharpened knives, trusty staffs, and game faces to Battle of the Chefs, a competition of quick-cooked comestibles at the Cellar at Macy's in Union Square. The Iron Chef-like battle takes place in a mock Kitchen Stadium, complete with a secret ingredient and a nerve-racking time limit. Marisa Churchill of Bravo's Top Chef provides a play-by-play commentary on the action, and local celebrities have the final word on whose cuisine reigns supreme. Part of an industry-night series designed by Macy's and Rivera PR to bring the folks behind our legendary foodie scene a whisk closer to the masses, this get-down will set you back only $10 for primo ringside seats. And in addition to getting you through the door, your ticket scores samplings of the contested wares, drink pairings, and even a Macy's gift card - all told, the best happy hour bargain north of Market Street (battles begin at 6:30 p.m.). Can you think of any reason not to go?
170 O'Farrell, SF. (415) 296-4740, www.rivera-pr.com/e_MacysIndustryNights_battle.php
BEST BRAZILIAN CARNIVAL OF MEATS
Rule number one for dining at Espetus: leave your vegetarian friends at home. It's not that the restaurant doesn't have any meatless options - there's a whole steam table-salad bar area where you can load up on black beans and fresh fruit - but the sight of a king-size rack of ribs circling the room on a silver platter can put even the most tolerant vegheads off their feed. However, for the eager omnivore, this Brazilian all-you-can-eat churrascaria offers more than a dozen meaty delights straight from the grill, served by wandering waiters who carve slices off skewers of salt-rubbed sirloin and Parmesan-dusted pork loin until you indicate your state of satiety by turning a tabletop dial from green to red. Even this ploy might not save you; the last time we went to red, the headwaiter marched over, turned the dial back to green, and forced us to try his filet mignon. Bless him, it was superb.
1686 Market, SF. (415) 552-8792, www.espetus.com
No Name Sushi down the block may trump this exquisitely interiored little Japanese restaurant near the Castro for scruffy hipster appeal (although reservations here are getting harder to come by), but Eiji holds all the cards when it comes to the house specialty: oboro, or handmade tofu, dutifully stirred to order and served at the table like a steaming custard. It's sweet and creamy, a cloud in a tureen - and when spiced with a pinch of pink daikon, some shredded shiso leaf, and a dash of sweet soy sauce, it'll make your eyes roll heavenward. Unique specials such as whelk with uni powder and crunchy dried abalone abound for the adventurous, as do the sounds of oddly appropriate piped-in bluegrass (don't ask us). Owner and chef Eiji Onada makes sure all of the fish he serves is at the peak of sushi ripeness, and the comforting and friendly demeanor of the staff always inspires us to order more, more, more.
317 Sanchez, SF. (415) 558-8149
BEST CLASSIC VEGAN KOSHER CHINESE
One of the strangest paradoxes of the vegetarian life is faux meat. It seems that the concept of carnivorous ingestion is so engrained in our culture that society's knee-jerk reaction to those who don't eat meat is "Oh! Well, how about this meat that's not made from meat?" When done well, though, meat imitations made from vegetable proteins like tofu and wheat gluten can be healthy, delectable, and even a thing of beauty. Shangri-La is one of the best places to delve into the strange world of ersatz animalia. A meal at this Sunset Chinese restaurant, which has been serving since 1978, is always a new textural experience. There certainly aren't many other places that serve dishes like theirs: Shanghai-style gluten in honey sauce, vegetable goose, smoked veggie duck (which sounds like a superhero - "Save us, Veggie Duck!"). The not-to-be-missed Pie Pa Tofu balls with broccoli have a texture like crab cakes - crunchy golden brown on the outside, shredded and fluffy inside, and served in a thick and delicious sweet sauce. Oh, and bubelah, Shangri-La is kosher too, so it's great for any surprise visits from your New Age peacenik Orthodox Jewish relatives from Chongqing.
2026 Irving, SF. (415) 731-2548
Even us broke-ass Guardian-ites get excited by a trip to the Bi-Rite Market, with its delectable array of guilt-free goodies such as dry-farmed tomatoes, Acme Bread, grass-fed beef, and artisanal cheeses tempting us like some sort of mouthwatering, credit-depleting Salome. What could possibly be better than a post-payday trip to Bi-Rite? A trip to the new kid in the burgeoning 18th Street gourmet ghetto: Bi-Rite Creamery and Bakeshop, located just down the block from the market. Suck on what? How about a sultry spoonful of salted caramel ice cream or a caramelized banana split or an ice-cream gingersnap sandwich? Oh, the agony of decision, the sacrifice of choice. Flavors like honey lavender, strawberry balsamic, and roasted banana have already made this place a favorite of many; expect long, long lines when the heat is on. But lord, it's worth it. Every ice-cold, silky-smooth confection slips right past the lips and down the gullet faster than you can say, "I'm counting calories." You ain't counting anything but scoops now, sucker.
3682 18th St., SF. (415) 626-5600, www.biritecreamery.com
BEST SIZZLIN' SLABS OF SALVATION
You've been drinking, and way too much, in North Beach again. You swore you wouldn't dive headfirst back into the well of hangovers - not after what happened last time in the Saloon with those flamingos, er, flamencos.... But somewhere between the tunes at Tosca and the view at Vesuvio, you managed to forget your solemn vow. Last call has come and gone, you've been kicked to the curb by every barback and hottie (and hottie barback), and all you have is $5 in your pocket and a warning rumble in your stomach. You need grease. You need substance. You need a burger at Sam's Pizza and Burgers. Grilled to order, onions if you want 'em, 100 percent pure-by-golly quarter-pound sizzlers hot on the hoof, just $3.50 a pop and served until 4 a.m. on weekends. Just don't make the mistake of addressing your fearless grillmaster as "Sam." It is not his name. We know. We've been there.
618 Broadway, SF. (415) 391-1539
BEST LAPHROAIG TO GLENMORANGIE
Suddenly, there seem to be a whole heckuva lot of Scotch lovers, bourbon connoisseurs, and Irish rye enthusiasts congregating in the Upper Haight. This bracing influx of rocks jigglers and served-neat freaks is surely the sole responsibility of the Alembic, a bar that boasts a selection of 100 premier whiskeys. From a smoky 10-year-old Laphroaig to a Glenmorangie aged in Madeira wood, knowledgeable quaffers of the sweet brown elixir will find what they're craving at this slightly upscale establishment. And if you're new to the wonderful world of whiskey, the Alembic's patient staff will be happy to guide you. (Just don't expect them to light your cigar or sell your DuPont shares.) Owner David McLean knows quality liquor - he also owns Magnolia Pub and Brewery - and the Alembic is cresting a wave of rye-drinking popularity. Those not into the hard stuff will find a great selection of beer, sake, and wine, served in ooh-la-la fancy glassware. Spiced lamb burgers, oxtail cheesesteak, house-made spaetzle, and other dishes by chef Eddie Blyden take the whiskey-sampling patron's tastings to another level.
1725 Haight, SF. (415) 666-0822, www.alembicbar.com
Marcia Gagliardi had a dream, and that dream was gossipy. Food gossipy. Sure, people were posting their little Web 2.0 hearts out about what they'd eaten for dinner that night on sites like Chowhound, Yelp, Citysearch, and, well, all over the stinkin' Internet. But who was on hand to reliably guide San Francisco's food-curious population through the thicket of virtual ratings and stars? Who could tell those who wanted to know what was next on the food-scene menu, which restaurant was slated to open when, which chef had defected, which bar was remodeling, which café was soon closing? Gagliardi knew she had to step up to the steaming plate. So she created Tablehopper, a weekly food-snoop e-mail newsletter that dishes all the hot-hot restaurant, bar, and specialty food store gossip. With her knack for sniffing out culinary trends and sussing out the buzz on future gourmet meccas, Gagliardi's turned her dream into a full-fledged business. She probably even knew she'd win this award. Scary.
BEST FRENCH BISTRO YOU MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN
Somewhat isolated from the rest of the city's brouhahas, South Park's fortunes seems to rise and fall not only by the years (it was overrun by "Internet visionaries" in the late '90s; half its storefronts are vacant now) but almost by the hour; the square feels deserted many nights, but at lunchtime it bustles, and during special events - witness the recent All-Star Game miasma - it can get downright uncomfortable. Nestled on the north side of the park, South Park Café is more than 20 years old and has all the quaint charm you might expect to find in an out-of-the-way French bistro, with cooking that reflects owner and chef Ward Little's commitment to unrushed quality. The menu changes daily and can feature excellent dishes like sautéed blue nose bass with onion fondue or panfried Dungeness crab cakes with lobster coulis - perfect dashes of Gallic flavor in a nonclattery atmosphere, reasonably priced (the $32 three-course prix fixe menu is parfait). Bistros may still be all the rage on the East Coast, but we've never had too much trouble getting a table here when we're in the mood for a little romance (often), which always prompts us to ask, "Does anybody else know about this place?" Maybe we've said too much already ...
108 South Park, SF. (415) 495-7275, www.southparkcafesf.com
This is a very gender-illusive city, yet there aren't that many drag events during the day. Why? Because drag queens need their beauty sleep and take too damn long to get ready. Luckily, legendary club impresario Harry Denton puts in a firm wake-up call to the old-school queens and we mere mortals who can't get enough of them - or a good Sunday brunch buffet. Our very own Ryan Seacrest in a dress, Donna Sachet, hosts Sunday's a Drag each week at the Starlight Room high atop the Sir Francis Drake Hotel, complete with hot omelets, sliced-to-order roast beef, and a musical extravaganza that'll knock your Sunday shoes off. Three ethereally coiffed drag performers put on the razzle-dazzle while you refill your plates, with Finocchio's-style comedy, lip sync, and other routines for each of the two 45-minute seatings and shows. The $30 price includes the entertainment, buffet, and an unbeatable view of the city. The first show begins at noon; the second is not until 2:30 p.m., for those queens getting the usual late start.
450 Powell, SF. (415) 395-8595, www.harrydenton.com
Even at their most austere, french fries are surely a work of art. In our opinion the perfect fry has a crispy, translucent aura where the oil has penetrated the outermost layer, but the inside remains soft and fluffy - and still tastes like an actual potato. The french, or rather Belgian, fries at Frjtz fulfill all the above requirements and more. They're thick as a chubby kid's fingers, with the perfect grease-to-potato ratio, and they completely assimilate to your palate. With three seasonings and 20 sauces, you can create a personal potato paradise with more than five dozen flavor combinations: plain yet ethereal frjtz dunked in chipotle rémoulade; spicy chili-lime frjtz doused with smoky honey mustard; white truffle oil and fresh chopped garlic frjtz dipped in a grilled eggplant mayo, then double-dipped in truffled-artichoke ketchup! Frjtz also serves thick sandwiches, colorful salads, and large, tender crepes stuffed with gourmet ingredients. A second Frjtz is slated to open this summer in the Mission for even more tuber terrificness.
479 Hayes, SF. (415) 864-7564, www.frjtzfries.com
You're generally taking a pretty big chance with liquor store food. You stand to gain a cheap and convenient bite at the risk of a stomachache or worse. The sub sandwiches at Gene's Liquor, on the other hand, are always a solid bet. At a passing glance, Gene's is your typical corner liquor store, fully stocked with the vices of your choice. But don't let looks fool you. Within the battered facade owner Hamik Minas has been preparing mouthwatering, oven-roasted subs for the past eight years, earning him quite a following of slavering sandwich lovers. Come lunchtime the small corner store quickly fills up with Gene's devotees clamoring for an ever-popular hot pastrami or the daily special. Minas dishes 'em out hot and fast. While you wait you can catch up on world events; Minas has his satellite TV locked on international news. Whaddaya know? Eating at Gene's can make you smarter.
2201 Taraval, SF. (415) 681-4880
598 Chenery, SF. (415) 469-0730
